Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
