the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize