Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
