Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
