i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
