If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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