How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
