Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
