Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Damn victory sex feels great
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
