He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it's like iHOP with fire
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
