best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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