I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
