She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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