Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
