Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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