nut hugger
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
