I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
