Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
