Sponge bath it is.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
