What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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