Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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