Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
