I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
