i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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