Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
