If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
