I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
