It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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