pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize