Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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