got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The power of my boobs compel you
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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