this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize