Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
