he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
