cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
