Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
