he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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