so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
