I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
