he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I want to be your penis for a week.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
