took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I love you.
Bad choice
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