doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
