I'm really into asian looking animals
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
