So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
