Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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