I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize