You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
