Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize