After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
