But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
