I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
