You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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