Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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