I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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