help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
did i walk over a car last night?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
