I want to walk on stilts...naked
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
