My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
