I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
