We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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