She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
