Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize