I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
