dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize