now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
