So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
