I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
