ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
