Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
