I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
