I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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