Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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