That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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