Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
