Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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