My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
