he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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