I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
