Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
