He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
