You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize