yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize