Yo dont text me then not text me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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