So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
