mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
