so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
