At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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