What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
