Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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