I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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