I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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