is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
