Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
