4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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