I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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