dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
