It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish my penis had a tongue
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
