I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
