even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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