Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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