cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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