I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
