im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
